Posts filed under transitions

Introducing: Phindile (Phindi) Ann Malcolm

We are so excited to introduce to everyone, Phindile Ann Malcolm, also known as Phindi (PIN-dee). She is shy, but don’t let that fool you! Once she opens up, this girl is silly and sweet and everything in between. She is so loved by us and has been loved and cared for by so many who knew her before us.

We work up early this morning and shared a ride with Mama Debbie, the woman who runs the care home Phindi is from, because the leader of a political party, Julius Malema, was going to be at the same court house as us today and they were expecting protests. We were driven there and encountered roads blocked and a 15 minute drive turned into a 30 minute drive. Then, our 9:00 am court date was delayed. At first it was only for a few minutes. Malema and his legal team even walked past us! Then we found out the magistrate’s (judge’s) brother had passed away moments before, which carried a lot of unknowns for our family—potentially even a hindering thing to our case. One hour led to two which led to three. Finally, after close to four hours of sitting and waiting, our magistrate was ready to see us.

We entered her office and she greeted us with a smile. Brian and I sat in front of her desk while Phindi and Mama Debbie sat behind us and Tisetso sat on a bench to our left with some government social workers. Our lawyer handed us papers from the right while the judge asked us if we had been compelled in any way to the adoption. We swore we had not been. Then we held Phindi’s hands as we swore that we entered into the adoption promising to give Phindi all she needed, which included to teach her right from wrong, to share her birth culture with her, and to love her unconditionally. We signed quickly on the dotted lines! When the magistrate began stamping each page and signing, I began tearing up. It was official. We were now her parents. Four years of stress and tears and paperwork had culminated in this moment in a magistrate’s office.

When we were done, we snapped a quick photo with the magistrate, then hustled out. We took a few more photos on the steps of the courthouse, but were quick with that as well. Many members of the political party of the leader being tried today were there and causing quite the ruckus. They were all dressed in red, so it was a sea of red over the parking lot. Mama Debbie led us around the protesters and through the parking lot and about a block away to wait for Uncle Joe (who works at the care home) to come and pick us up.

Brother and Sister watching Encanto together.

Our plan when we got back to the flat was to get a celebratory milkshake, but because it was pushing 2:00 pm, we decided on lunch and milkshakes. We headed to…the mall. You guessed it! Phindi wanted pizza and chips (fries). She was adamant about her fries being from McDonald’s, which surprised me. Tisetso got McDonald’s, while Brian, Phindi, and I got a pizza.

After lunch, we went to a little pop up where Tisetso got to paint a chocolate egg with edible paint and Phindi got to decorate a chocolate bar. It was fun seeing her say yes and no to certain things. She seems to be fairly decisive, which is unusual for kids who are not used to having as much say in daily life. When we had our fill of Easter activities, we amused Tisetso with an excursion into a shoe store (which resulted in no purchases). This kid is ridiculous about tennis shoes to a fault. It’s out of control.

Phindi loves imitating people and here she’s imitating her brother.

We then headed on the eternal quest to find a small clock for Tisetso’s room. We’ve walked all over this stinking mall looking for a clock and there was one in Woolworths the whole time! We should have checked there first. After a quick stop at Clicks for some hair conditioner spray and lotion, we headed home.

I stepped into the driver’s seat this time. It was my first time driving this trip. I am happy to report two things:
1. We hit nothing / no one. 2. I only hit the windshield wiper once. (Remember it’s on the left side where the turning signal is usually at and the turning signal is on the right.) I made Brian nervous, but was not nervous myself, so I consider that a victory!

When we got home, we called our family to announce Phindi’s name. “Ann” is a family name - both grandmothers and both aunts share the name. We also learned that the woman who runs the care home shares this middle name as well! Phindi enjoyed meeting everyone, sharing her new name, and showing off her court dress.

After the calls, we got her into her jammies and she picked Trolls for the movie night. It was precious because she would sing along to some of the songs. My heart couldn’t handle the cuteness. When we went to put her bed, our water was out again (eye roll), so Brian pilfered some buckets of water from the pool downstairs so we could flush toilets and and we used our drinking water for brushing teeth. Thankfully we didn’t mix the two up! :)

She and Tisetso are now asleep in their beds. I can’t believe this is our life now. Some day this will seem totally normal, but for now, this is special and new.

Posted on April 7, 2022 by Heidi and filed under adoption, family anniversary, In-Country Time, South Africa, transitions and tagged court date Johannesburg Sandton mall.

Meeting our Daughter and Sister

Today was the day. We met our daughter and Tisetso met his sister. It was a lot less fanfare than when we met Tisetso, which was okay by us. We pulled up to the house and there she was—standing at the door waiting for us. It was a bit rainy so we ran inside and she had her brightest, shyest smile on. We got high fives as a greeting and then we were off getting the tour with her as our tour guide.

One of her friends drew us a family portrait *(L–R: Heidi, Brian, Tisetso, and our daughter)*

We got to spend almost the whole day with her and her friends. The morning was spent coloring and using stickers to make lovely pictures. One of the girls even drew our family (see above). It was fun as we spent the time asking random questions such as favorite color, food, snack, subject, etc. It gave our shy daughter a chance to speak without having to be at the center of attention, which would have possibly made her uncomfortable. At one point, she put a sticker of a present on her paper and when I asked what was inside, she said, “Clothes and a dollie.” My heart melted.

After drawing and lunch, we headed upstairs for the TV room / lounge area. The girls all wanted to watch The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl which was a real…treat… It was rough. Brian and I were left to sit on bean bag chairs and the movie was so bad. (How bad was it?) I contemplated taking a nap, but worried I’d snore and alert all the girls to the fact I wasn’t paying attention. I also stayed off my phone as much as possible. It was difficult.

After 93 long minutes, the movie ended, and so did my trial. (Ha!) We headed back downstairs to begin the most difficult game of memory match of my life. The game was based off of a show called Sparkle & Shine, I think, and all of the characters look the same except for different hair colors. But sometimes the same hair color girl would have a slight variation of pose. To add to the fun, the lines of the game kept getting mixed up into a big random pile, so I couldn’t ever remember where something was. To top it all off, we were playing with a bunch of cheaters—our daughter included! When the game had taken too long for their liking, the girls flipped all of the cards over and began a free-for-all to get matches. It was hilarious!

We ended the day by watching an episode of Teen Titans Go! during which, our daughter came out of her shell and started really showing herself to be a funny and silly kid who loves her friends. When we said goodbye, we promised to come back tomorrow and she said that would be alright. Success!

Headed back to the flat after a long but fantastic day

We’re now home and processing our day. It was so different from our first day with Tisetso, and yet similar in many ways. You’re strangers who are also family. You’re expected to hit it off and be great right away. Thankfully, we were able to make good connections with her today. Tomorrow will be different as all her friends go back to school (they’ve been on a week-long autumn break here), so we will have her to ourselves. We are excited and nervous to see how it will go.

Please continue to pray that new and lasting bonds would form between her and us. We love her so much and want her to love us just as much, but know these things take time. We are excited to see what tomorrow brings.

Posted on April 3, 2022 by Heidi and filed under adoption, In-Country Time, South Africa, transitions and tagged Sandton Firsts Johannesburg before court.

Our Ashwood Home

Today is an exciting day. We close the sale of our Ashwood home today. We lived in this home for years. It was our first home together. We loved having our friends and family spend time in our home. We loved this home. It is a big day to pass the keys along to someone new.

As we were packing up a few last things yesterday, I remembered the goodness of God that our son, for whom we spent many hours praying for him in this home, was walking around in the living room and playing on the porch. He has never spent a night in this home, but my love for him began in these walls.

This kid has more sass than I know what to do with sometimes!

I am going to miss our Ashwood home. It's the place I met my husband. He was hosting a luncheon and I couldn't help but notice how gifted he was in hospitality. It was the first thing I admired about him. Well, that and his rugged good looks.